The Muppet Strikes Back
by twf414gf
Summary: The "Luke meets Yoda" scene from the Empire Strikes Back like you've never seen it before.


**Apologies to Lucasfilm; I don't own the rights to Star Wars or any of the characters. This is a non-for-profit parody.**

**Second of all, to all the Star Wars fans out there, I like Star Wars and Yoda a lot, hence the reason I'm writing this script, because I do enjoy poking fun at movies and characters I like :) **

_Luke Skywalker has just landed on Dagobah and is looking for Jedi Master Yoda._

**Luke:** I feel like there's something really familiar about this place. I feel like…like…

**Yoda: **Like what?

**Luke: **_(turns toward Yoda and turns on his lightsaber)_ Like we're being watched, you creepo!

**Yoda:** Away with your weapon! No creepo am I.

_Luke puts his lightsaber away._

**Luke:** _(thinking to himself)_ Oh great. Of all the creatures I run into, this one has to be a crazy little Muppet that talks like a medieval poet.

**Yoda: **I am wondering, why are you here?

**Luke:** I'm looking for someone.

**Yoda: **Looking for someone? Well, _found_ someone you have, I would say, hmmm? _(chuckles)_

**Luke:** Man, you call that a joke? I bet you couldn't even make a hyena laugh.

**Yoda:** If you think bad _that_ was, then heard my worst one you haven't!

**Luke:** And how bad _is_ that one?

**Yoda:** Knock-knock!

**Luke: **Who's there?

**Yoda:** Who who who!

**Luke:** Who who who who?

**Yoda:** I didn't know you were Tigger!

**Luke:** Man, that one stunk like three-week old cheese!

**Yoda:** Help you, I can. Yes, mmmm.

**Luke:** If it's help becoming a professional comedian, then I think I'll pass. But have you seen a great warrior around here anywhere?

**Yoda:** A great warrior? Wars not make one great.

**Luke: **Unless you become the greatest warrior of all time, and then you use your battle prowess to conquer the world! MWAHAHAHA—hey! That's my dinner!

_Yoda is rummaging around in Luke's stuff._

**Yoda:** How you grow so tall, eating food of this kind? _(pulls out a Big Mac combo meal)_

**R2-D2: **Beep boop ba bop. (Translation: "Even _I'd_ like to know…")

**Luke:** Listen, we didn't mean to land in this bog, and there's no way to get our ship out, so why don't you just—

**Yoda: **_(mocking him) _Aww, cannot get your ship out? Can the poor little earthling barely pick up a pencil because so weak he is?

**Luke:** Oh yeah? Well, at least _our_ species doesn't look like a cross between a gremlin and a garden gnome!

**Yoda:** Just for that, taking your precious little lamp I am! _(takes the lamp)_

**Luke:** Hey! Give that back!

**Yoda:** Mine! Or I will help you not.

**Luke:** I don't want your help, I want my lamp back so I can get off of this slimy mudhole of a planet—

**Yoda: **Mudhole? Slimy? At least _our_ planet, a hole in the ozone layer and melting polar ice caps, has not!

_R2-D2 tries to take the lamp back from Yoda, which then leads to a tug of war between the two of them._

**Yoda:** Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!

**R2-D2: **Beep bop boop beeeeeep. (Translation: "Geez, whatever happened to 'Attachment leads to jealousy, and the shadow of greed that is'?")

**Luke:** Oh, Artoo, just let him have it.

_R2-D2 reluctantly lets go, and Yoda gives one last "Mine!"_

**Luke:** _(sighs)_ Could this day get any worse?

**Jar Jar Binks:** _(jumping out from the bushes) _Hiya! Mesa Jar Jar Binks! Yousa Anni's son, aintcha? Mesa gonna have great fun with yousa!

**Luke:** …it just got worse.

**Yoda:** Worry not, stay and help you I will! Find your friend, mmmm.

**Luke:** _(totally losing it)_ Now lookee here, Elmo, I never _asked_ for your help, so why don't you just go on back to Sesame Street while I go look for this Jedi who's—

**Yoda: **Ohhh…Yoda, you seek Yoda.

**Luke:** You know him?

**Yoda:** _(nods his head)_ Take you to him, I will. _(chuckles again, then starts on the path back to his hut)_

_While on the way, Yoda accidentally drops his lightsaber from his pocket._

**Luke: **Um…excuse me, little guy? You dropped your lightsaber…wait—_lightsaber_? ! You're a Jedi?

**Yoda:** _(waving his hand)_ See that, you did not.

**Luke:** Oh please, a mind trick? Who do you think I am, a stormtrooper?

**Stormtrooper:** Look, here's two of the ones we've been looking for! Hands up, Jedi's!

**Luke:** _(waving his hand)_ There are ants in your pants.

**Stormtrooper:** There are ants in my—holy crap! I've got ants in my pants! If it wasn't for this stupid metallic suit I'd be able to squish them all! Yeeeaaggghhh! _(runs away screaming and jumping as the "ants" bite his legs)_

The End_  
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**Thanks for reading! Submit your review please!**_  
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